Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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