1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize