You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
