This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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