you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
