Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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