Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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