Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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