I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I touched a dick in church today
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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