did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
