I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
