Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
