Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
