i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
