what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
