Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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