I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize