Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
