you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
