hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
