I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
