Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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