She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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