watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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