I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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