You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I FOUND THE LEGS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
