True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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