Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
