I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
