He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
