I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
