i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
