He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
high people should be assigned attendants
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
