thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
