So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
