I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
