All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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