i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
