im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize