i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
