He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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