May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
