I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
