Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
