why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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