At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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