While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
