Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
