Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
