belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
