I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize