whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i permit you to call me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
