good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
