My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
