I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
