Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
