We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
