I hate your face
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
