Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
