He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
