you guys were way drunker than both of me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
