Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
