wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
