dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
