I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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