"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
