I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
