The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
