You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
