Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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