nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
