Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize