just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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