Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
