so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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