R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
