I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
time to smoke my breakfast
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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