you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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