I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
