I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
