Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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