I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
