with your own penis?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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