My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
