this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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