where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Vodka?
Forever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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