Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
